Yoga Pants and Lumbersexuals…

12 o’clock in the fuckin’ morning and I can’t sleep. I see my phone light up… Is it a hot girl liking one of my Facebook posts? Maybe fate has randomly selected me to show up on someone’s Instagram feed and it’s Jennifer Aniston asking me to coffee? Maybe it’s my past coming back to haunt me….?

None of the above. It is a WordPress notification that someone randomly liked one of my posts. The Yoga Pants one… two years later and it still gets attention from the vast abyss of late night search engine results.

I’ve noticed that Yoga Pants are becoming a little too mainstream, even for my not-so-secret obsession with them. I mean… err..

Before I start in on that, I want to say a little something about this whole ‘lumbersexual’ thing that guys think is so damn cool… You look dumb! Do you even know how to start a chainsaw? Do you even know what real work boots, Carharts and flannel shirts are used for? And your beard… Did you even earn it?

I guess every generation (or division of such) will have some weird fashion and character trends. Wasn’t too long ago that guys wanted to secretly be like the Fonz… The trouble I have with it is that it is no longer fun.

Guys that try too hard are the ones that show up to the party with those shitty-ass tortilla chips that no one eats until it’s the very last option. Strangely, no one seems to care.

There are true ‘outdoorsmen’ and there are ‘lumbersexuals.’ Ya’ll need to quit ruining it for the men who want to be noticed for being men, not for how well they can mimic their rendition of a man in a city-dweller magazine.

As such, there are ‘Yoga Pants’ and there are ‘Tight leggings that shouldn’t be worn in public.’ Keep it classy, please. Just as beards should be earned, so should gratuitous exposure of the female form. I don’t mean to put down the women who have unfortunate circumstances of body shape and size. I mean to voice my opinion about the ones who ‘don’t even’ yet they pretend they do…

I earned my flannel wearing privileges when I was 150 feet up a tree, hanging backwards over an embankment that was another 100 or so feet down, with an arm outstretched and my finger on a trigger of an actual chainsaw… Cool, so you cut down your mom’s apple tree, huh?

To the topic of those amazing stretchy things, I feel women should take the same consideration when displaying what they’ve earned. I think a gym visit more than once a week is a good qualifier. Maybe actual Yoga classes? How about not being a whore! We all understand that they are super comfortable, but if you’re trying to display yourself on the market like a farmer selling cattle, take a simple marketing tip… The more rare something is, the more it’s going to be worth to someone.

Luckily, I’m getting tired so I won’t get as crude as I would like to in this post…

Live on, Yoga Pants….


Yoga Pants part two…

I can’t let this one go… Not yet… There’s an article today about how a school in Maryland (or DC) is banning ‘leggings’, otherwise known as… Yoga Pants… I’m impartial when it comes to supporting or opposing such a ban. Both sides of the argument are completely legit and it really doesn’t offend me that girls wear such a thing. Well, some do…


This article I read today is nothing new. Dress codes, freedom of expression, communist state, etc. etc…

School ‘Cracks’ down on leggings.

The comments and discussion thread is what really got me going. As one commenter put it, “it’s the schools way of saying ‘no camel toe’ without actually having to say it. Other commenters argued that it’s infringing on freedoms and it’s not right to get so controlling about what people wear. Then of course the issue came up in regards to influencing rape and sexual assaults at all levels. “You can’t blame the girls for what they wear”, “The guys should have more self-control”, “It’s the parents fault for letting them dress like whores”… so many avenues of discussion that it would be hard to sum it up in one simple blog entry or article.
For the record: As a guy, I LOVE yoga pants. I thoroughly enjoy seeing a good looking girl in those wonderful garments. Please please please don’t outlaw them. They make my day so much brighter!

Now the reality of it. I did a Google search for ‘yoga pants’ and to no big surprise, some of the initial results were filtered because of adult content. After those, most of the results were from the ever popular site, , and recommended search terms being ‘petite girls in yoga pants’, ‘teens in yoga pants’, ‘Camel toe yoga pants’…. My argument is really against the people who think that other people should not mind or notice these oh-so-revealing pants. Sure, they are super comfortable… got it. You work out in them… got it. Who cares… got it.

These are primarily a sexual thing. Period. Whether that’s the wearer’s intention or not, it is the absolute truth. Prepare to get oogled, talked about, maybe even stalked… or worse. It doesn’t make it acceptable that people (guys) will do that but it is simply the way it is. It leaves little to the imagination and opens up a flood gate of distraction and mis-directed infatuation all because a girl accentuates the presence of a well taken care of sexual area. (well, actually it flatters the form even if the wearer is in less than perfect shape).


I am in no way a super conservative person, but the ignorance of such a thing is a signal (to me at least) that our society is headed in the wrong direction. We don’t need to be controlled by government or administrators in regards to how we conduct ourselves if it isn’t harming anyone. We do need to police ourselves when it comes to being responsible and respectable human beings. As much as I love yoga pants on a beautiful girl, I understand that I can’t assume she is looking for a good time and nothing else. Others however won’t see it the same way. A sex crazed social misfit may simply get too enticed and act on their urge. Not her fault I know, but it should be understood that if you dress a certain way you need to be prepared for attention that you may not want.

On the less than extreme effect these things have on people (mainly guys), is the general perception of the girl. Does she wear a long shirt to cover her ass or does she conveniently wear a short shirt to offer a full view? Does she place herself in situations where she otherwise wouldn’t be if she was wearing baggy jeans?
Wake up girlies… What you convey to others is proportionate to the respect you receive. Whether you intend to or not, if you are viewed as a sexual object then that’s simply what you’ll become. Unfortunately yoga pants are the most awesome eye candy…

I rest my case… for now…

Yoga pants…

A article today mentioned how some clothing company had to recall a version of their yoga pants because they were a little too ‘sheer.’ Shame shame…

There was a hidden motivation behind my choice to write about yoga pants today. A common argument that women seem to give for wearing them is that they are comfortable and low maintenance. I’ll give them that. I’m quite sure they’re comfortable, just as my compression shorts are. Under my clothes!

The problem with the reasons why women wear them, is that they are fifty percent bullshit. Excluding those people who should know that their physique does not support the wear of such an article of clothing, yoga pants scream sexuality. Maybe sexuality is the wrong term. Promiscuity? Unless a girl wears a long shirt to cover her ass, she knows exactly what she’s doing. Women envy other women who have a figure that is highlighted by the wear of these. Men, no matter how sincere they are, have only one thing on their mind when they see a girl wearing them.

Oh, they help you be more flexible while working out? Right…

Yoga pants do for girls, what muscle shirts do for guys. They serve little for function, and everything for form. If I keep trying to go on about this, I’ll end up writing some really inappropriate things here. Hopefully you get my drift. Don’t get me wrong… I absolutely love when (some) girls wear yoga pants. Sigh….

This concept prompted me to realize that it isn’t just yoga pants. People of either gender do things to garner attention under the guise of innocence. No one will admit to things they do but I see it all the time. It could be the guy who strategically flexes parts of his body to try to impress someone. Maybe the girl who acts just a little bit different when she sees a certain guy. You see it on the road when people try to get in a position to have someone in the view of their mirrors, as if it was a coincidence that their car stopped fifteen feet behind the one in front of them.

Thing is with yoga pants, it is so blatantly obvious what these things do, yet people seem scared to admit it openly. Maybe it’s a good thing that girls still think we believe them when they try to convince us that yoga pants are merely their ‘comfy’ clothes… If I ever get married, I don’t want my wife to wear some flashy lingerie to turn me on… I want her to wear tight black yoga pants with a T-shirt… That’s all I have.