Yoga Pants and Lumbersexuals…

12 o’clock in the fuckin’ morning and I can’t sleep. I see my phone light up… Is it a hot girl liking one of my Facebook posts? Maybe fate has randomly selected me to show up on someone’s Instagram feed and it’s Jennifer Aniston asking me to coffee? Maybe it’s my past coming back to haunt me….?

None of the above. It is a WordPress notification that someone randomly liked one of my posts. The Yoga Pants one… two years later and it still gets attention from the vast abyss of late night search engine results.

I’ve noticed that Yoga Pants are becoming a little too mainstream, even for my not-so-secret obsession with them. I mean… err..

Before I start in on that, I want to say a little something about this whole ‘lumbersexual’ thing that guys think is so damn cool… You look dumb! Do you even know how to start a chainsaw? Do you even know what real work boots, Carharts and flannel shirts are used for? And your beard… Did you even earn it?

I guess every generation (or division of such) will have some weird fashion and character trends. Wasn’t too long ago that guys wanted to secretly be like the Fonz… The trouble I have with it is that it is no longer fun.

Guys that try too hard are the ones that show up to the party with those shitty-ass tortilla chips that no one eats until it’s the very last option. Strangely, no one seems to care.

There are true ‘outdoorsmen’ and there are ‘lumbersexuals.’ Ya’ll need to quit ruining it for the men who want to be noticed for being men, not for how well they can mimic their rendition of a man in a city-dweller magazine.

As such, there are ‘Yoga Pants’ and there are ‘Tight leggings that shouldn’t be worn in public.’ Keep it classy, please. Just as beards should be earned, so should gratuitous exposure of the female form. I don’t mean to put down the women who have unfortunate circumstances of body shape and size. I mean to voice my opinion about the ones who ‘don’t even’ yet they pretend they do…

I earned my flannel wearing privileges when I was 150 feet up a tree, hanging backwards over an embankment that was another 100 or so feet down, with an arm outstretched and my finger on a trigger of an actual chainsaw… Cool, so you cut down your mom’s apple tree, huh?

To the topic of those amazing stretchy things, I feel women should take the same consideration when displaying what they’ve earned. I think a gym visit more than once a week is a good qualifier. Maybe actual Yoga classes? How about not being a whore! We all understand that they are super comfortable, but if you’re trying to display yourself on the market like a farmer selling cattle, take a simple marketing tip… The more rare something is, the more it’s going to be worth to someone.

Luckily, I’m getting tired so I won’t get as crude as I would like to in this post…

Live on, Yoga Pants….