Some of what’s really inside me…

Terence McKenna has a lecture on youtube about DMT. In it’s purest form, it’s nature’s psychedelic drug of choice. It’s known as the ‘Spirit Molecule.’ As he spoke about it, I was mesmerized by his passion for it. It’s nothing synthetic and no, I’ve never done it. I suggest searching a few of his videos on youtube if you ever get bored. With an open mind and an acceptance for a lifestyle that so many of us discount as being useless, you might find yourself a little more enlightened to the possibilities of a more meaningful life. In his main speech about DMT, he speaks of a Carl Jung quote from one of his writings. I can’t quote it verbatim because google isn’t helping me and his speech was an hour and a half long and I don’t have the patience to listen to it again. Anyways, it’s something to the effect of ‘the unconscious  mind has a peculiar way of ending a wasted life.’ Loosely translated to me means that if we don’t live a meaningful life, we will most likely find ourselves in an extended period of despair until we either die, or find a way out.

I’m not going to be so bold as to say I’m having a spiritual awaking of sorts, but I’m on my way to having a different outlook on life. I’m immersing myself in a world of capitalism at it’s worst, just as I immersed myself in a college life of too many arrogant and cocky little sons of bitches that have no fucking clue what life is all about. This life isn’t for me. It’s not my happy place. Double speak I know because I’m touting how good my life has become since making this recent move. My life is good. I’m doing what ‘I’ want to do and it’s because of my own decisions. It’s the money hungry life that I don’t want to be a part of. Clarifying that, I don’t want to be financially poor my whole life, but I don’t want my motivation to be successful to be driven by money. What is deserved of my efforts is what I will reap when the time is due.

I can’t help but realize that the life I’m living is not for myself. Funny, because I have no one really to give my life to right now. But I have a controversial thing called ‘faith’ that what I’m trying to accomplish for a life I don’t quite know of yet is where I’m supposed to be. Confusing right?

Too many of us seem to fall into a cookie cutter life. We graduate school, maybe get a degree or certificate. We then find comfort and solace in that ‘steady’ job that we commit too much of our lives to. We live for our weekends, staying within the boundaries set by nothing more than the quantity of dollars we earn by the skin of our teeth. Working for someone else, we never quite feel rewarded as we should and we may dream of finding a way out. Maybe it’s starting our own business, or getting a crazy good promotion. Maybe we hope to win the lottery or even find a sugar-momma (or daddy) to carry us through to the next money-based enjoyments in life. But how many of us sit in our cubicles or behind a register and wonder what it would be like to have a real spiritual awakening? To many it would seem like a pointless endeavor. Save it for vacation right? Maybe when we are older and think we can retire…

We have become a society of shit quality. It’s disgusting. The love of fast food, quantity over quality and instant gratification have taken over our ability to move to the next level of our journey here on earth. It’s more than that really. We have grown to have a sense of entitlement and we WANT IT NOW! No matter who we are, we are constantly telling ourselves we are worth more than we think we are. As true as that may be to a certain extent, a vast majority of us have done nothing to prove to anyone, including your own god, that you are worthy of anything beyond what you truly deserve. I sure as hell haven’t done anything to deserve special treatment from the god that we curse so often for the follies we experience in our lives. A juvenile explanation to why I thought of this was from a lady that ordered a latte today and was perplexed that so much of it was missing after she began drinking it. Truth is, it was made like a latte should be. Steamed milk with a good layer of thick foam. When you drink a coffee of that sort, the purpose of the foam is so the drink from the bottom gets filtered through the foam, creating a layer of taste and texture that you don’t get from simple ‘hot milk.’ Sadly, she is a person that has been conditioned by the imbeciles who have taken over the heart and soul of what the original intention of Starbucks was meant to be. She wanted her good ol’ hot milk, flavor and a hint of burnt coffee taste. She literally sucked the good stuff right out of it. No wonder Starbucks is considered the McDonalds of coffee. Just as she doesn’t know what a good latte is, so many more of us don’t know and might have never experienced what a good life is. But it’s just a cup of coffee right?

Our society is in a downward spiral. Countries have other countries in their sights for their weapons of massive human elimination. And don’t think the US isn’t doing the same to other countries. We are all at fault here. We are reliant on governments that rule by intimidation and irrational displays of force. Our supposed success in life is very finely controlled by the entities that have their own version of quality control. To find ourselves spiritually means working long enough to save money to be able to relax so you’re not woken from a state of meditation by the random thought of ‘fuck! rent is due tomorrow!’ Many of us may have friends to rely on to help us through the tough times, and allow for mutual escape knowing that someone has your back when you take time to not worry about things for a while. Sadly, a lot of us don’t have that even with our friends-list that spans hundreds of people all over the world. We fool ourselves into thinking that our support systems have us in their best interests. News flash! They don’t. Even your government.

As I grow older I realize that there are fewer and fewer people in my life that I can truly count on to stay true to who they are. We all change and I’m OK with that. What I’m not OK with is when people accept a life that is not meant for them. They become unhappy, and it trickles down into other relationships in their life. They become the consuming mindless drones that are making society what it is. They produce shit ‘everything’ because too many people are willing to pay for it. We are consuming poison that is fed to us by greed and ego. Isn’t it a wonder that with all this technological advancement, we haven’t found any way closer to true spiritual enlightenment?

On a last note of this little rant I’ve gone on is about one of those quirky little Facebook motivational memes. It goes slightly against my grain because it has good ol’ Jesus in it but it actually made a lot of sense. A guy sitting on a park bench with Jesus, and he asks him “Why Jesus, do you allow so many bad things to happen here on earth?” and Jesus says, “I should ask you the same thing.”


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