I’m about three quarters of the way through this year long blog project and I feel sort of incomplete with it. It has no real functionality aside from me sharing a year of my thoughts as I trudge through to the next chapter of my life. It’s not really meant to be a tell-all expose or analysis of weird physiological troubles that I’m sure I have. As with any personal journal published in a public forum, there’s a fair amount of self-centeredness in the idea. I want everyone who reads it to either care more for me, or be offended at what I have to say. Maybe there’s a few posts every now and then that helps someone else in a weird way. I think I’ve come close to my goal.
Something struck me today at a weird time. As usual. I’d love to be able to write for a newspaper or magazine. Like a ‘Dear Dave’ kind of column, or maybe I can write reviews for things that don’t really get the attention they deserve… Like bidets… Or clothes hangers…
I remember being at a company Christmas party for the lumber store I worked at… Daring/paying a coworker to shove desserts in her mouth was one of the highlights of the night, but my personal favorite, yet less comical was when the owner of the company came up to the table I was sitting at. He started jabbing on with all of us about something I really didn’t care about. He made a comment about going to the bar or something and as he looked at me I started to say something… Blah blah blah… He had no clue that any of us existed as humans and he completely ignored whatever it was I was saying. So I mumbled across the table some things that I probably shouldn’t admit here… He still had no clue that I was talking, yet he was acting like he gave a shit about all of us and engaging in small talk.
Point of that being, there’s a lot of times in my life that I realize people could really care less what I say or write. Unless of course they get offended and un-friend me from Facebook and I feel accomplished. So what would people need to actually ‘listen’ to what I have to say?
If I was writing for some publication organization, I could direct my obviously poor writing prose into material that could at least reach the frontal lobe area of the captive readers. Maybe I can get feedback and adjust fire with what I write or how I express opinion. It has to be in regards to something I enjoy, or that I’m good at… I’m good at pissing people off but I don’t really enjoy it. Well, maybe I do… I’m not a good debater because I could care less about citing sources. Citing sources is a sure fire way to spiral into a society of un-original-ness. I also tend to write into tangents… I’m misguided here in this forum. People go to the effort of ‘liking’ a post and I love it. Yet, I still am throwing darts when it comes to what might get me off this low plateau. Random enough for ya?
Something I plan on fixing in my life is creating situations that I ‘could’ write about. Meeting people, being in different social circles, trying new hobbies, failing again and again… I need prompts. Something others may be able to relate to… Not a lot of people can relate what it’s like to feel like a whale in captivity. I feel like my fin is curled over like Willy and I’m dying to have someone point me in the direction to free myself from this prison I’m in. Preferably not a young boy… That’d be a little weird… I’d take Jennifer Aniston though…
I fear this blog project will fizzle out at day 365… The hundreds of thousands of words will merely be writing on the digital cave walls and may only be discovered when there’s nothing else to look for… So here’s to the beginning to the end… Of the beginning.