Shut… Up…

I tell myself this all the time. It never seems to work. Another long day of driving gave me some time to really think about some things. I turned off the radio for a good four hours to reclaim some organization to my thoughts. Except for the early morning when I’m cursing the alarm clock, I can never really turn my brain off. I’m always thinking about where I need to be next, what time is it, what should I do with my life, why am I doing this to myself?… Just a few of the things I think of non-stop.

In the multitasking soup of thought today, I switched over to the phone to see if there was any exciting news on Facebook. Someone else got married, someone’s lonely, a giraffe eats off the ear of a mouse… And then I came across one of those cool little info graphics that seem to be the craze across social media lately.

“Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not imagine. Not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.”

That sure came at a peculiar time. I can’t do a damn thing about the time schedule I’m on. I can’t trade currencies on the weekends. I can’t make it payday already. I can’t go back in time and undo stupid decisions. I have to focus my life a little better. Ahhhh…. So many damn things…

I’ve written before about how some things seem to work out in the hardest of times. I’ve literally been down to the pennies that I scrounge out of the seat cracks in the car just to get a .99 cent burger to ease my anxiety about things. I’m obviously not incapable of doing just about anything I want, but I tend to put ‘un-importance’ on the desire for money at times. I think that’s why I’m so liberal with my spending. Funny thing is though, those hard times have proven to be the most enlightening. First of all I realize who is there with me when shit gets real… No need to make room for the long list of people here in this blog… (Sarcasm)… Second, shit just seems to work out.

I remember when my super slut ex girlfriend and I broke up, I was left with nothing. Well, so she thought. I ‘bought’ her car from her when we were in the process of buying the house. Crazy games you gotta play to beat the system. Well, anyways I never actually went to have the title transferred because quite honestly I forgot. She didn’t. When we broke up and I left the house, she hid the car at a friends house. Awww hell nah… Bitch that car is mine. I need that thing to sell so I can recoup the money I spent on what is now just your house. She mentioned that the title was never switched over so I thought I was screwed. About two weeks later, when I was finally settled into my own place I was flipping through some random books I had saved over the years… Wouldn’t ya know what fell out…. The title with her signature on it! I dropped everything and went to the licensing agency and paid every bit of late fee to get the title transferred. Walked out of the office, called the cops and surprise surprise, they showed up to her work, demanded the car and life was good for me again…

Long winded story about how things work out I know. In present day life however, I have faith that things will find a way to work out whether I like it or not. I can’t live off my savings much longer and Southern California living won’t be forgiving on my wallet, especially doing this alone. I’m probably giving myself ulcers thinking about everything I have to do to keep from falling flat on my face the next few years. I have to remind myself though, there’s not a lot I can do do change what is already going to happen. Three months from now I’m not going to think back and say ‘gee, I’m sure glad I worried about this back then because otherwise I’d be screwed.’

It’s hard to let go sometimes and just ‘be.’ I won’t speak for anyone else in particular but I notice that a lot of others always seem to have a desire to be somewhere else all the time. Too many people are caught up in their world which they can’t really control to notice what’s going on around them. Like the parents that leave their kids in the car on a hot day, or the people that panic when they realize they might have left the stove on and the house is burning down. Maybe even the person you’re on a date with and it’s very apparent that they’d rather be doing laundry than hanging out with you. Or the stripper who stares off in oblivion while giving a shoddy lap dance, probably thinking about what kind of formula to try giving to her newborn child… Ok, I’m out of control on these, but you get the point.

I don’t know how to do it. I can’t quiet my mind. I know full well that I can’t change what will simply be. I can however, keep on drivin’ on, drivin’ on… Worse case I might just have to go back to being a garbage man… On second thought, that was one of the best jobs I ever had… Hmm…


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