Crappy people…

I’ve tried to be a little less cynical with my blog postings to please people who say I should be less negative. I really don’t think I’m a negative person anyways but I get caught sometimes paying too much attention to the shittier side of life. I’m in no particular mood right now to cause this, but I feel like venting about something today…

Seem people are just shitty. The idiot that doesn’t let you merge into the freeway, the bitchy old women that give you nasty looks in the grocery stores, the douche-bag meat heads that stun others with sheer stupidity, the girls who think their shit doesn’t stink, the friends that you learn aren’t really friends, the family that well… I’ll leave that one out for now…

I’ll save my name dropping for when I’m really old and everyone has either died off or is too old to care so I have to generalize my feelings about things right now. I truly am grateful for certain people in my life… That being said, there are people that I’ve run into in this life that haven’t even waited for me to walk away before they stabbed me in the back. My passive attitude towards everything probably gets me into situations that end up biting me in the ass but does that really make it my fault? People make assumptions about me without even hearing a word I say.

I think about a pseudo-friend I made in Moses Lake. All the sneaky people that read my blog will know who this is but I won’t identify much more. She was seemingly a wonderful person. Problem was, she was one of the select few girls in town that was actually somewhat good looking. (Meaning she got a lot of attention). We would talk all the time, hang out, go for walks, etc etc etc… The drama that came with being her friend was killing me because the plethora of immature kids I went to school with would not keep their mouth shut. ‘Why is she spending time with that old perv?’ Are you serious? The shit that was talked was something I couldn’t contend with. These twits have no clue about real life, let alone what it means to mind your own fucking business. They blushed at the sight of my fuzzy handcuffs. I couldn’t function at their level very long.

The first problem came with me trying to defend this person in the face of stupidity. I believed things she told me. Thing is, she also believed things other people told her about me. Whatever. In the end, she wanted something that conflicted with being friends with me. She was always looking for the next best thing… I was simply a friend of convenience. I never wanted a relationship with her, I never wanted to pork her, I could have even cared less about talking to her. The conversation was dry most of the time and most of what she said to me was filtered. I simply was being a non-judgmental friend to someone who had a reputation. Thing is, the reputation was true. Without further ado, end result is I walked away with one less person in my life knowing that I’m human enough to make someone a priority even though I’m only an option to them.

I’m not secretly stuck on this person. Thing is, this kind of situation happens all the time to my personality type. It’s not about being in the friend zone either. This is about people being shitty to other people. I guess it’s karma because I know for a fact that I’ve been shitty to others. I won’t deny that. The actions of others is allowing me to learn more about myself than I’d learn otherwise.
I try to be a considerate person if not compassionate. I try not to intrude or impose myself on anyone. Not because I’m timid or unsure of myself, but because I don’t want to burden anyone with having to decide what I am to them. I also know that I really don’t want to waste my time with really transparent people. Just as in the example above, it’s not just about the immediate persons involved. Sometimes it’s the sideliners that heckle all the way that make things really bad. Because of my personality I tend to allow people to act the way they do without saying much about it. Karma hasn’t let me down yet…

The situation I wrote about here isn’t one of the paramount events in my life that turns the tides on what I think of others. It was really no surprise that it happened either. People that seem to betray me for the most part don’t even realize the effect they have on me. I don’t fault them for that. We are all self-centered at some level and we are bound to hurt others from time to time. What is important to me is to understand the mechanics behind it so that I can learn to be more compassionate to others in my life and not give someone a reason to have to write about the shittier side of life…

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