Speaking of manipulative guys… here’s a technique that few will admit to using, though it happens all the damn time.
“Oh? You’re going to see your other boyfriend huh?… I’m just kidding with you…”
“You’re not going to sleep, you’re going to sneak out to the club!… Just kidding, I know you wouldn’t do that…”
“I bet all the guys you work with want to sleep with you… No no… I’m just kidding… I trust you, baby…”
“I’m going to hang out with the guys tonight… Ya know, maybe pick up some girls, bring ’em home…. Hah, yea right… I wouldn’t do that to you, baby…”
“You probably want to break up with me now huh?… Yea right.. hahah… I wouldn’t let you do that…”
“How about you bring your best friend over and we have a threesome… Hah, yea right… “
“I trust you…”
These are just some I pulled off the top of my head. I’ve seen this happen all too many times. There’s a undeniable amount of truth to statements like these. These are absolute qualifiers to being a douchebag. How can I say this with confidence? Because I once was an avid user of such guilt and mind-fucking. I grew up with it so I didn’t know any better. Until I met someone who had no qualms about calling out the twisted method of control that I was raised on. I’ve spent the past ten years trying to rid myself of these horrible traits. I think I’m doing pretty good about it.
My ex would mention how people will joke about anything when they want to speak what’s really on their mind but feel it’s safe to communicate it as a joke just in case it’s taken the wrong way. Even for innocent things… It’s how I’ve hooked up with some girls… Such as this… Her: “You couldn’t handle me!” Me: “You have no idea…” Her: “Prove it”… and the web becomes woven.
It truly is a fun and safe way to test the waters. When there’s good intentions. When it comes to manipulation, it should be one of the cardinal sins. Some people don’t know when to stop. I know of a few that I deal with on a day to day basis. I really want to call them out on it but I figure it’ll do more harm than good. Oh, oops! I totally didn’t mean to orchestrate this awkward situation to make you feel obligated to act a certain way.
I’m talking about a multitude of situations. Not just someone wanting to hook up or control a relationship. It could be in a professional environment. The boss may say “right, you guys probably don’t do shit while I’m gone… hah… it’s cool though, I’m just kidding… I think you guys work really hard…” What the boss is really saying is “I’m a coward and can’t lead like a manager should so I’m going to judge bits and pieces of what I see to make you feel guilty for doing what you feel like doing while at work and not what I want you to do even though I communicate like a monkey…”
Next time you find yourself joking with someone, ask yourself how much truth is in it. Or next time you hear someone else doing it, take a step back and think if they really are ‘joking’…