Whores…

Back in the MySpace days I wrote a blog-ish entry about whores. Looking back on it, the writing was very juvenile. It was fueled by my perceptions of people in command of my military unit. My perceptions weren’t irrational.. more so mis-directed. I was a scapegoat for people’s issues. I was entrusted with information that I really didn’t need to know. I’m all about being a shoulder for someone to lean on but when it gets taken advantage of, there’s only so much I can take.

Anyways, about this whole whore thing. I’m going to try and revisit it with a different perspective.

The Encarta dictionary defines a whore as “an offensive term for somebody who is regarded as willingly setting aside principles or personal integrity in order to obtain something, usually for selfish motives”. It also defines it as “an offensive term for somebody regarded as being sexually indiscriminate”.

My view of this definition has not changed in the bulk of my adult years. What I’ve highlighted before is the fact that it is labeled by definition as an ‘offensive’ term. Is it really offensive? It’s what it is isn’t it? Like a Cheese Quesadilla. A Cheese Cheese Tortilla? Why emphasize what it is by throwing a word in that for all intensive purposes is irrelevant.

The world is full of whores. Sexual and Non-Sexual. As it could be defined in a sexual manner, there are plenty of hypocrites in this world. Many of which are self proclaimed Christians. They believe in purity and goodness for a façade, but they can’t shrug aside the natural urge to engage in nefarious sexual intercourse. This conflict within brings out the worst in people in my opinion. Why the hell would I believe that someone is being true to their god when they can’t even be true to themselves. Let’s not mention the fact that they can’t be true to fellow man-kind. Reasons for sex run the gamut and I won’t attempt to discuss them here, but I have a hunch that most people don’t have sex because they are trying to find deeper meaning in relationships with other people. It’s merely for a selfish desire… Whores…

The part of the idea of ‘whores’ that intrigues me more is the non-sexual type. The older I get, the more I realize that (many) people don’t care as much as they say they do. People are selfish. It’s an infantile trait that so many of us can’t seem to grow out of. Me Me Me! The claim to be compassionate is overshadowed by the fact that there is usually a trade off for exhibiting altruism in today’s society. I think about this kind of thing when I interact with other people. I try to offer something without expectation of a payback or favor. You need help moving some stuff? I’ll lend a hand. You need to conquer a fear? I’ll offer some experience. You trying to bang the hot checkout girl? I’ll be the wingman. Truly. I hold no debt for anyone. Though I claim to never expect anything in return, I do notice the lack of consideration people give for an effort of good deed.

The lack of integrity as it applies to this kills me sometimes. Do we really know what it means to have integrity? Integrity is not for others, it is for ourselves. Trying to showcase integrity is pompous and unnecessary. We may be tempted to lie to ourselves as long as we can put on a front for other people. “I’m a good girl!”… Right… “I don’t watch porn!”… yup.. “I know exactly what I’m doing!”… Hah!

What we choose to lie to ourselves about catches up sooner or later. Some may be lucky to dodge the bullet, but more than likely we will get caught with our pants down. How can I say this? It’s happened to me time and time again. When someone finds out how many women I’ve slept with their supposed respect for me is greatly diminished. Coupled with the fact that I technically have a child, people find good reason to stay away from me. If I had a dollar for each bridge I’ve burned in my life I’d be a millionaire. I’ve never done anything criminal but I’ve definitely had my run at whorish activities. Sexual and non-sexual. I’ve been selfish and sometimes heartbreaking. I don’t think I’m that different from anyone else though. We just have all sorts of different levels of admittance when it comes to facing the truth about the lives we live.

End result of why I have this on my mind… There comes a time (again and again) that we should re-evaluate what we are doing with our lives. Are we wasting it trying to avoid confrontation about stupid decisions we may have made? Are we living less than fulfilling lives because we have something that we don’t think we can get anywhere else? Is the whore in you more concerned with self preservation than contributing to the advancement of who you are as a person with integrity?

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