For a fair portion of my adult life, I tend to sacrifice ‘me’ time for being productive. Well, at least I think I’m being productive. In reality I end up being less productive because I stress about work or school or friends and I lose purpose. I have to realize that at the end of the day the one person that has been there for me is… Me. All this ‘staying busy’ crap is for the birds. I’ve worked, built debt, worked, paid off debt, etc etc… All I have to show for it is a plethora of experiences to talk about and pride knowing that whatever I want to accomplish in life, I can.
Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy, I set myself up for failure with the hopes that I will be ‘guided’ in the right direction sooner or later. Maybe I still have issue with the fact that I started a ‘life’ years ago with someone and all of it was a sham. I’m no longer a good prospect for anyone looking to settle down. I’m restless and constantly undecided. I want all these things out of life but I can’t even give myself a day off. How can I expect to build a happy relationship and family with someone if I can’t even take care of myself?
I need to break up with myself. I’m living a life with myself that I can barely stand. If I don’t change it, no one will. I’ve tried cheating on myself and I still couldn’t get away. I tend to punish myself with ridiculous life situations and I end up rebelling. Someone smack some sense into me.