So tonight I was able to sit down and calculate a pretty accurate depiction of my financial picture over the next few months and how much I will (hopefully) have saved for the transition into the next adventure in my life. All I can say is I’m not too happy about it. The specific dollar amount isn’t so much of importance, it’s the relativity of income and spending that bothers me. In the past year I’ve spent about $600 on coffee alone. And that’s including a ton of freebies since I worked at Starbucks.
When I was looking at my budget I started to feel loads of regret for spending the money I did the last few years. I’ve been beating myself up knowing that I’d have so much more in the bank if I didn’t have to spend money on seemingly useless things. Eating out, traveling, eating out, supplements, eating out, shoes, miter saw, raft, more clothes, ammo, hotel stays… the list goes on and on. Oh, and Red Bulls…
Why the hell did I do this to myself the past year and a half? I could have been studying and working more, saving and preparing for what was next in my life. There’d be so much less potential for stress right now. Everything will work out alright but enough for me never really is. After I had a long discussion with myself about it I came to the conclusion that irrational spending is therapy for me. I can’t totally say its retail therapy because the one place I never splurge is the mall or department stores. I tend to splurge on things that I think will occupy me and make me happier. If I didn’t spend my time spending money, what else would I do with myself?
Aside from getting my Commercial Pilots License, (almost) nothing about my life is giving me any satisfaction. I’m nowhere near any of my good friends, I’m surrounded by cocky little rich kid twits and my job, while easy, drains the life out of me. Let’s not even mention the last time I had any sort of valuable intimate relations. These are sacrifices I know I had to make but it’s really starting to wear on me. Just a few more months and everything will be alright. I’m going to try and attach a video of a totally awesome song that you may simply enjoy for yourself, not for understanding my own personal trials.
All the self-imposed stress has done nothing for me except give me a valuable lesson in the importance of being frugal. The last few handfuls of blogs are really uninteresting, but for anyone that carries a bit of interest in my journey here, I’m simply clearing out some mental clutter and will be motivated soon to write some more meaningful things.