A mid-day blog for a change up. This topic has no correlation to anything in particular going on in my life right now. I don’t think…
About ten years ago when I was with my ex, the lying, cheating one, ( Oh, which lying cheating one? The one I wrote about several weeks ago) I went over to my friend Kio’s house after work. I really can’t remember why I went but it was truly innocent. I was twenty two and he was pushing forty. He was (is) a family man and fully supported the relationship that I chose to have with this girl. Anyways, there was really crappy cell signal at his house. Conveniently, the girl tried to call me to see what I was doing. Amidst the ‘hello, can you hear me’s’ she deduced that I was probably lying to her about where I was at. Funny because it was the first time I had gone to see a single friend of mine since we had been dating. And of course, this was after she had slept with at least two other guys. (This confirmed years later).
I got home fairly late, which was only about 8:00pm. She ripped me a new asshole when I got back to my apartment. (We didn’t even live together). She accused me of being over at my ex’s house and that her friends saw me going over there, blah blah blah. Are you kidding me? I’m not here to convince you that I wasn’t at my ex’s house because quite simply, I wasn’t. I was at a loss for words because of the atrocity of the accusations. Why the hell did she care so much anyways? She was probably mad because she could have used that time to go get stuffed by the bus boy from work. Not a few months earlier she stayed at her ex-husbands house over Christmas Eve. I was specifically told that I wasn’t invited. Enough of the drama filled stories for now. That was a different lifetime for me and I’ve learned so much from it.
The gist of this story is getting to the idea of trusting the untrusting. Though I’m sure not every case is confirmable with a scenario, it seems to be the norm that people who don’t trust others, typically can’t be trusted themselves. This takes some interpretation given any situation you think of. Someone locking their doors doesn’t make them a liar. It simply means they understand there are plenty of thieves out there. Just as well, someone questioning their partner about extra curricular activities doesn’t mean either are living a lie. Without getting into specific assumptions, I tend to witness fundamental behaviors that people have that make them trustworthy or not.
Some people think its humorous that I take notice to little things and sometimes get irritated. Seems that obnoxious and pompous behavior is considered one of those little things that irritate me as well.
Anyways, back to the original topic, the flip side of people being untrustworthy is the fact that some people just simply don’t care. Have you ever noticed that you want someone to care about what you do, but they simply don’t? Good for them right? It gives them the latitude to do whatever they feel with the guise of ‘well, it doesn’t matter to me what you do, so it shouldn’t matter to you what I do.’ I guess that’s good for some types of relationships or friendships. Truth is, it’s a cop-out. It’s a liberal stance on relationships that allows for loose morals and convictions. I believe when you co-exist with someone it needs to be based on mutual respect. It’s not about proving your whereabouts or avoiding certain situations. It’s about open communication in regards to what’s going on. This applies fully to basic friendships as well.
People have an assumption that I’m pissy or moody because I like to keep to myself. Nope, it’s simply because I don’t want to be around shit that does absolutely nothing for me. Your false friendship annoys me.
Ugh, there I go again… Off on a tangent. I’ve thought of deleting these random sentences from my blog but its part of what influences my thoughts so I leave them. The reason I got off on that is because sometimes what is going on in my life is none of your fucking business and I don’t want to act all fake and shit to include you in my social agenda.
Ok, ending this on topic. Trusting people. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt whenever I can. I try to be an open book for a lot of things. It bites me in the ass a lot, but I won’t give up hope that someone is being genuine to me. I’ve learned to keep people true, you have to keep a certain distance from them. There’s a small handful of people that I want to be closer to. Ok maybe not a handful, more of a small pinch. I think I’ve been playing it safe for the most part. Quite a boring life really. It’s better than the alternative however. I can honestly say that people want to be true and honest with their lives but sometimes the temptations get the best of them. I don’t really fault people for being dishonest, I just don’t want anything to do with them.