As I see it. 17 September 2011.
Your playing small does not serve the world. That is an excerpt from Nelson Mandela’s inaugural address. The speech as a whole serves me well however this one I choose because of where I am in my life. I’ve done a lot with my life. I am grossly unsatisfied thus far. Today is the first weekend of flight school. A few people asked me if this was wanted I wanted to do or just a phase. People ask funny things sometimes. You know, I have no idea what I want out of this. Maybe I’ll get a commercial license, fly for a while then sell off everything I have and sail around the world. I have a million stories I could tell but I don’t feel like any of them are worth a damn except for the people who have greatly influenced my life in this strange but incomplete journey I am on. As much as I want to write about some people right now, I will refrain for two reasons. It would take hours to list and explain what each person has done and some people may scratch their heads as to why or how they were such an influence on me. You know who you are if you are one of the few that will actually read this.
Of all the “things I’ve learned” over the years I am intrigued and sometimes disturbed at the actions (or inactions) that a high ratio of my acquaintances do that do nothing to contribute something to the life that we are living in. I’m guilty. Self centered assholes we are. It’s all about what WE want out of life. What we provide for others is simply an alternate avenue of self gratification. Doesn’t it make you ‘feel good’ to do something for someone else? You charitable person, you! We donate for the good of the man who has less than us yet we have to make sure we get that tax deduction right? We do good for the sake of karma or to avoid being banished into an imaginary place we call hell. Once again we do good for the sake of what it gives us in return. Enough of the bashing for now.
There is something I want to do in my life yet I feel like I haven’t even started. I find myself challenged by learning new intellectual and motor skills but few things have challenged my character or my supposed destiny. I may or may not do right by the order of rules or law. In the end no one really cares if you broke some rules along the way. Sometimes those who live the most interesting lives didn’t do it by following the rules set forth by our predecessors. It’s a wonderful notion that the drug addicted prostitute turns her life around and provides the most sheltered and protected life for her child but what good will the child become without being able to fly on their own accord? We can learn the lessons from those who have tried to fly with wings made of straw but we cannot avoid the fact that we will inevitably have to try flying with wings made of bricks before we can understand the full scope of what we are here to accomplish.
A snippet of a recent conversation created a storm of memories in my head. Don’t shit where you sleep. It’s a common piece of advice (albeit it comes in many variations of that concept) that is typically passed on from those who have done it and found that it didn’t work out like they thought it would. I’ve done it. A few times. I don’t regret my choices because some of the things I experienced are painfully unforgettable and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sometimes you know that when you get into a situation it has an end-date before it even starts. Maybe you see it, maybe you don’t. It doesn’t matter really. Fuck what other people think. Do what you do to put a smile on your face and if your world stops turning just remember that there is plenty more to come of this life. No one really cares when we are all six feet deep.
What goes unspoken in our lives can either haunt our dreams or hinder our progress in life. Granted, tact has to be a part of your expressions but what we hold in can do more harm inside than we realize. I have yet to find the connection (again) that I have been longing for to express what’s inside me. I have revealed too much to all too many people and I find myself in the same spot as always in my life. One might naturally think that if you’ve gained the knowledge of things we should be able to pass it on. Well, I disagree. Most of what we learn in life is merely an interpretation of our opinion on a subject. We can’t make someone else feel any different about what they want out of life. If anything the most we can do is present a story to enlighten others of any given possible outcome when a certain decision is made.
I think we all should search for our own fuel for life. Let’s not forget that as we are looking down at the path we are walking on that there is plenty more going on all around you. Keep your chin up stand tall and don’t forget to enjoy the finer things in life. It’s not all about getting that piece of ass or making that huge paycheck. Oh and when you think you see something that you are supposed to find, look twice pick it up and see how it feels. (figuratively speaking of course).
I’m excited for what’s in store for the future. I just hope I can find the drive to surround myself with people who have a fire inside for a life a little more interesting than the norm.