Well shit…

I’m realizing it’s really time for something new to happen in my life. Hopefully I’m in some sort of control of what happens.

For the last many months I’ve been trying to wrap my head around some craziness that has occurred in my life. I’ve also realized that there really truly, is nothing stopping me from doing anything worthwhile except for… myself. No, really…

The Dog House Saloon in Fayetteville, NC was where it all came together. Well, most of it. Some of it came from the once in a lifetime love affair I had with a Colonel’s wife. Anyways. I’d drag the Harley out of the garage most nights and ride straight down to have a few cold ones. Coors Light was my vice at the time. Maybe it was the fact that I had a for-real Harley that I got treated like family there, but one of the best things about that place was when I walked in, I didn’t even have to ask for a drink. Daniel, Sarah, Chris, Tara Lee, Clint…. and Ame… Oh, Ame… You were the butter to my bread when I was able to drag you out for company… Or karaoke… Or just kickin’ it listening to cover bands all night.

I remember sitting there one day with Daniel and I said… “I’m going to open a place when I get out.” I was never so sure of anything in my life until that point. Well, mo-fuckers…. I did it. It was a humbling experience really. I got support from people I never expected and I also got hands held out from people I never expected. I lost my soul in that place. It was the moment I’ve written about before in this blog… I sold my .45 to quell those thoughts from coming to fruition. Though I wasn’t a high volume place, I was always running out of food, short staffed and I found myself starting at zero every damn month. What could have catapulted me to the next level was spent on keeping people off my back. It’s surprising who has your back when such things are on the line.

I’m determined to open another place. Or multiples of places. As much as it’s about the money, it’s really about the passion you find within yourself to do something. I can’t quite preach the ideals that I think will carry me through to the next big thing in life, but I can do my best to wrangle up the demons that seem to keep me from progressing.

Somewhere, deep down the fire is still alive… and I’ll be able to tell a bad-ass story someday.

Jesus was a bastard child…

It’s been a while. Oh how I’ve missed this whole writing bit. I found a peculiar motivation tonight to start writing some more. Not sure it will be an everyday affair as I made it before, but ya know… Fuck it.

I’ve hated having to be someone for someone else. I remember having to sit through some bullshit lecture from a camp counselor when me and my friend Kevin didn’t bring our bibles to camp. When they forced us to take possession of their renditions, we got in trouble if we didn’t put them on top of every other item in our drawers. As a kid, I never understood it. I never felt it in my heart. I’ve never been ‘saved’ even when I told people I felt the ‘blood of Jesus running through my veins.’ It was all a shit show story to get people off my back.

The night I was on the floor in the Papa Murphy’s getting my face beat in by some fat fucker trying to rob the place was my first taste of what life was really all about. The only person responsible for saving ourselves is in fact, ourselves.

Come ye bible thumpers and born-again disciples of the almighty. Rip me apart for speaking such foul sentiment of your beloved savior.

My question of the age is this… Why on earth would anyone want to live a life where they are expecting the spirit of a zombie Jew to carry them through? Why not do it yourself? CAN you actually do it yourself?

How’s that for returning to the blog-o-sphere with a bang?

Whether you like it or not, we are all here for a purpose we won’t understand while ‘in the flesh.’ What I will tell you though is that we must learn to be compassionate to one another and understand that regardless of why we are here, this life is not meant to be lived without trying to make some sort of impact on the world. Do it how you please, but quite simply; don’t be an asshole.

It’s not about the money. It’s not about the fame, or notoriety. It’s not really about who you’re fuckin’ or the drama you create because you’re not the one doing the fuckin’… You jealous bastard, you. Take a look at who you really are. Take a look at what’s been put on your plate right in front of you. Quit looking at the heftier portions that are given to those sitting across from you.

Let the friend self-pruning process begin…

Day 365…

Won’t bore anybody with one of those long ‘wrap-up’ blogs. I did it… although I missed a handful of days throughout the year, I wrote for an entire year straight. I feel pretty darn good about the whole thing really. I’ve ended up right about where I thought I would in life and the fun is just about to get started.

I am more than appreciative of all the people who have read my blog. I know it’s not the ‘coolest’ thing to read but I tried to be as candid and open about my feelings on things as I could. I wish I could have been more to everybody but I say one last time, this blog was really about me, not you… It was to fall in love with the reader. I did. Everyday, the highlight of looking at my phone was to see WordPress notifications of comments or ‘likes’. Truly.

For the assholes that liked to read it then judge me for it, I hope you get what’s coming to you.

So here here to the year of ’13. May we all find a better way to live and love thine neighbor… and that we all get laid a little more than last year…

Pictures…

I’ve been an advocate for anti-facebook lifestyles. There’s a part of me that hates the idea of sitting around doing nothing except vicariously living through a social media medium such as Facebook. I’ve tried to get rid of it a few times but to no avail, it finds it’s way back to me. It gets old. Sure, I ‘like’ things and share things… it’s usually when I get really bored. Lately it’s been a bit more often. I’m not very mentally stimulated at work and all I really want to do is sleep.

Aside from my opinions of what the ‘information age’ and the advent of text messaging has done to people, I think of another cool aspect of it.

I see a lot of people posting pictures of their babies and kids and all that family crap that I (un?)fortunately don’t have to deal with at this point in my life. How cool would it be though, to be one of these kids all grown up and be able to see an entire timeline of your life. I can only go back to when Facebook started to see my timeline but in twenty some years, people will be able to have an entirely new way of revisiting childhood memories.

As I was thinking about this, I tried to think back as far as I could into my past. I remember little things here and there. Like the… ehh, nevermind what I remember. Seems to me that although social media is a joke for the most part, it could actually have some long term effects on relationships and families in a good way. Those that have been born into it can use it to chronologically document their existence without it feeling like an intrusion as it does to people like me.

For those of us not born into Facebook, imagine if you were able to see your childhood as a Facebook timeline. Some long distant aunt that you never quite knew would be nothing more than a ‘mutual friend’ away from reconnecting with or remembering the memories. Videos of your first steps could be replayed. All those embarrassing photos and stories would have a new meaning since they not only live in the memories but in a real life database of your life.

This last year of blogging has been interesting, if anything only for me. I can click back to a post in February or January… or even the first post and I can piece together who I am now compared to who I thought I would be from a year ago. If only I could go back 25 or 30 years to read in black and white what was on my mind…

More and more…

The more and more I get out and do things I don’t really want to do… The more I realize that this world we live in is in need of some real change. Our own individual worlds. We have become conditioned to think that we have to live life to the standards of media and culture and the Kardashians… The earth we live on is slowly becoming consumed by the waste we produce for an experience less than everything it should be. Greed, envy, jealousy, hatred, guilt, power, dominance… Too many emotions to really list have overshadowed something that we are supposed to be doing here. More intelligent life forms elsewhere in the galaxy probably aren’t too motivated to make a trip here for the same reason that no one really wants to hang out at a Denny’s for their birthday. Sometimes you have to though…

Hindsight…

We’ve all had those moments where we think back and wish we would have done something a little bit different right? The things I really wish I could have done differently have to do with friendships and relationships. Career stuff is, meh… I’m content with my choices in that arena, but when it comes to people in my past I wish  I would have been able to grasp onto things that I was ignorant to.

I think these things because I’m single… and unaware that I’m looking for something to fill a void in my life. Then I realize that something better must be coming along that will make me realize why everything in the past didn’t work the way I wanted it to.

Isn’t that some sort of Facebook or Pinterest motivational thing?

Aha!

I’m usually a bit cryptic when it comes to things I write about here. Not that too many people care (expect for people wanting to know what’s going on in my life). This one is no different.

I had an AHA! moment today. A few times. I’ve been struggling to figure out what to do with myself and I go to random places in my mind to figure it out. After getting rid of the restaurant I’ve been real scattered as to what I want to do with myself. Truck driving, flight school, tree climbing, coffee making… Nothing that has made me truly happy. There’s something bigger and better to be taken. I’m not meant to be working for someone else. It’s nice and all to not have to worry about ‘locking the door’ at night, but sometimes it’s a decent trade off for a chance at something a little bit better.

I’m about to wrap up this year in blogging and I’m a little disappointed in myself that I couldn’t end it on a really exciting note. I guess the true believers will see what happens someday…

Life learned on YouTube…

Has anyone else realized that you can learn just about anything from YouTube now? Fly a plane, quilt a blanket, repair a three phase motor, cook an amazing chicken dinner, sail a boat… It’s almost overwhelming to think that so much knowledge is shared. How could one person not take advantage of it all? Why don’t we?

Seems to me that a trend in our western (and some eastern) culture is to get accredited education. It makes sense for some professional occupations of course, and for the most part it serves it’s purpose. When it comes down to it, so many things that are learned on the rote level of upper level classes can be simplified on a medium such as YouTube. Of course it doesn’t make up for commonsense or perseverance attributes that come with a more traditional education.

I noticed this when I’ve been spending some time learning about some new web development technologies. All these crazy nerds like to overcomplicate the explanation of things. Kind of like lawyers when they talk about law things. Ask a ‘school trained’ developer how to change the background picture of a website and though there are a lot of ways you can do it, you’ll probably get the runaround on a simple solution. Why would they spend all those years in school to expose that this task could be nothing more than adding a line of code. All you have to do now it type something in google and viola! No need to search through libraries of textbooks just to find answers that should be simple enough to understand.

The problem I see here is that there is less and less practical value in getting a formal education in a lot of disciplines. Or should I say, there seems to be less value in the education as it is taught nowadays. The validity is of course another argument of formal vs. social information gathering.  I try to look at ‘Wiki’ information objectively for obvious reasons, but for the most part, what is being shared can be deciphered to have some practical validity. Now, I shall go watch a YouTube video on how to build a spaceship to get to the moon.

Merry kissmyass…

I really do like the holidays. Really. But every year that I spend the way I do, the more I appreciate the fact that Christmas should be less about things and more about the finer things in life. Seems that everyone always has somewhere to go or something to do. Even when they go to do the things they are rushing to go do, people seem to be in a hurry to be somewhere else. You go to work, wanting to go home… You are at home, living around the schedule to go back to work. Haircuts, oil changes shopping, doctor visits, lunch meetings… Need I go on?

Christmas in Southern California is awesome! It’s almost eighty degrees out and there’s still plenty to keep a perpetually single guy occupied. Thing is, being in a place like this makes me want to spend Christmas in a small town with people that truly appreciate the holidays for their own special reason.

It doesn’t have to be for religious meanings nor does it have to be for anti-religious purposes. The holiday season should be a time to come together as families, friends and communities to let bygones be bygones… Not simply a temporary hold on the conflicts we live with throughout the year. It most definitely shouldn’t be about the commercialism of it.

I’m enjoying a Christmas looking out for myself once again. I’m happy… no matter how much guilt is laid on me by people who think I shouldn’t live this way. Off to bed for now for an early morning at work…

Bitches love money…

One of my favorite kinds of stories to hear is how really rich people dress ‘down’ to go out to a place where they try to fit in like regular folk. No one knows who you are and no one knows your story. You see people for what they really are and you hope they see you for the person you really are.

Brings a lot of things into perspective really. Especially when you see those same people do a complete 180 when they know that they are in the presence of someone with a lot of money or power.

I don’t need to be incognito to realize this. The people that treat you like shit because you have ‘nothing to offer’ aren’t really worth anything. Sometimes it’s nice to be in the situation I’m in. Makes me want to work that much harder for something… and not share it with the people who want it all without having to do any of the work…